Do you Gym?

MELANIE:
Oh, Gym. You crazy kid, you.

I will use any excuse not to get to the gym. It can be too hot or too cold (including detailed variations about the level of humidity and/or precipitation). It can be that I woke up late ("Not enough time!") or woke up early ("I should really use this found time differently.") It can be because I've been working out consistently ("I took that Pilates class on Wednesday so I don't need to go to the gym today!") or that I haven't been working out consistently ("What's the point? I haven't been working out consistently.")

Then I spend the rest of the day rationalizing my no-gym choice with all of the different forms of exercise I'm going to engage in instead. It's a progression that always begins with the decision to hit a yoga class ("It's better than the gym anyway because it engages me spiritually as well as aerobically"), descends into the idea of just working out at home ("All I need is my exercise mat and my Exercise On Demand channel. And I'm saving money, too!") and bottoms out with the idea that having sex for 13 minutes will take care of burning all of the calories I've ingested while coming up with my various, ridiculous excuses.

I've gotten to a place where I barely feel badly about it anymore. Instead, I live in a slight state of wonderment about what fabulous excuse I'm going to come up with this time.



LAUREN:
GYM? What about the gym? I have nothing to say .. I don't belong



EVA:
Gym was a class that I passed with flying colors and always excelled in. That is where it ends. I can’t justify paying hundreds, thousands to run around on machines covered in other people’s bodily secretions, while everyone around gawks at each other. To be like a hamster on a treadmill. If we are all hiking on some trail together up some hill in Edinburgh, I am the first one on the top. But to be stuck running in the same place and not getting anywhere…lunacy to me. So how do I stay in shape…glad you asked? Besides barely eating, running around like a stress case 64% of the time, and good metabolism, I nanny. Chasing around a three year old boy at the park while carrying his five month old brother for three hours, or walking on an 90 degree incline with a double stroller fully loaded with screaming twins and fifty pounds of diaper bags, you WILL stay in shape. I have built my arms solely on lifting, carrying and rocking other people’s children. I guess someday when my hubby is ready to have our own, then I really will return to my high school weight.


RANI:
I GO TO THE GYM! I have to. I'm naturally chunky, I even was on Jenny Craig in college (about 20 pounds heavier than I am now). My first workout memories were of me and my mother waking up at 5:30 am before school to do the Jane Fonda workouts in my living room when I was 12 years old. Now I try so friggin hard to stay in shape. I am envious of people who look good and don't work out, ever (and not just a normal envy. I mean the kind of envy that creeps a seething heat I can feel up to my eyeballs). And just being skinny ain't the same as lookin' good. Ever see a skinny flabby girl in a bikini? Exactly. Yech. Till then I will continue with my yoga/spin/crazy ass boot camp classes at my gay ol gym. But I haven't been in 4 days. Christ, I feel guilty....





ANGIE:
I've been a member of pretty much every single gym in Manhattan. You name it: Crunch, New York Health and Racquet, Equinox, Dolphin Fitness, even a stint at Lucille Roberts, now New York Sports Clubs, and the one consistent thing I can say about all of them is that I rarely went to any of them. At least not for more than a few days. I guess there's just something really gratifying about that sensation of signing up, starting anew, becoming a bona fide member. It's also something I notice that I do with every new relationship. "Hey babe, come join my gym. It'll be great for us as a couple. We'll get in shape. We can have sex in the steam room." That last part's a joke, of course. Gay men are the only ones who get in shape AND laid at the gym. They get the best of everything. Assholes. God I wish I was a gay man. But I digress. So inevitably myself and Girlfriend ____ will go balls to the wall for a week and then never step foot in the gym again. Beer, ice cream, and the L Word are more enticing, and we spend all our time on the couch rather than the treadmill. Then, we break up, and I decide that I have to get in shape again and live in perpetual fear of seeing her at the gym. It's a vicious cycle, the gym.




DEE:
The gym. My constant place of worship. My 'lil slice of zen. One of the few places I have that I can fully connect my mind and body; where they are allowed to move and think in a single unit, both striving for physical and mental perfection. The gym is where I put on my headphones and outside world, problems, distractions fade away. I try to trudge up that eliptical hill-I'm running towards soultions, never running away. Through the sweat streaming down my face, the painful shortness of breath, through the cramps, the strain-many other things become clear! Crunches = focus Squats = a better ass Free weights = sculpting Yoga = peaceful control longes= reaching Pushups = determination Spinning = limitlessness The gym. My sweaty church. My sports bra cult. My full body cocktail. Raise your wheatgrass shot! To the gym! Cheers!